After a long day of travel, I was finally stepping into my future. Right when we landed a wave of regret and fear hit me. I asked myself what I was doing and why I did this to myself. It was a cold and rainy day, and the airport is far from the city center and not as pretty so that immediately put me in a bad mood. I kept asking myself if this was the Budapest I remembered. It was not, so why is this what I get now? What happened to the unlimited beauty and amazing architecture? We took an uber into the city center to meet with the Airbnb hosts. We were able to leave our luggage with them and go adventure the city. As we walked, I desperately tried to get my spark and love for the city back. But as the sky stayed grey and it continued to rain, I just couldn’t. My dad asked me multiple times if this was really what I still wanted. I knew I couldn’t change my mind now; we have put thousands of dollars into this. I am getting an opportunity that not many people get. I responded with a weak and forced “Yes, of course I want this.” I am sure they could tell I was lying as I struggled to eat my food and became nauseated at the thought of having to do this alone. During breakfast I had to step outside in fear that I was at my breaking point. I told my parents that it was withdrawals from my meds and that I will be fine once I get back on them.
We finally got to check into the Airbnb and immediately took
the chance to lie down. The feeling of being parallel with the earth and having
gravity relieve all the stress in my joints was something that I can’t even explain.
I began to calm down, and my love and excitement came back. We were in Budapest;
I get to be the reason for my parents first time in Budapest. I felt honoured
and so happy that even though this decision was stressful for all involved, I got
to show my parents a place they have never seen before. They got to see my love
for travel.
The first few days were slow. It wasn’t until the third day
that we actually got out “on time” to have breakfast. By on time I mean we were
up by eleven, which was an improvement and quick turnaround for us. Jet lag
still hitting hard for mom and dad and with me ready to go we dragged ourselves
to a beautiful café/lounge called Grand Central Café. It was beautiful
and looked just like the famous New York Café found only a few blocks
away. And the best part was, unlike the New York Café we didn’t have to wait
HOURS for a table, and it didn’t cost an arm and a leg.
Day four was a later start than the day before, jet lag has officially
hit my dad in full force. We were out of the apartment late and home early. We
spent that night having a drink and watching shows. But then I wanted to be alone
remembering that I am about to move into my dorm having two roommates in a
small room.
We spent the next few days touring the city showing my
parents what I fell in love with about Budapest. As time went on my parents kept
suggesting that I get moved into my dorm so I can get to know people before school
starts. And that’s when the fear came back. I realized that I didn’t know these
people. How many people live in this dorm? How are my roommates? What if they don’t
like me because of how I identify? All the fear that I spent my time getting
rid of came rushing back overwhelming me. So naturally, I pushed back me moving
as much as I could. Saying things like “Don’t you want to spend as much time
with me as possible?” I was trying to make them feel like it was their idea for
me to stay so that they didn’t catch on to the fact that I was scared. But eventually,
it was time to grow up and move in.
