Welcome to Budapest

After a long day of travel, I was finally stepping into my future. Right when we landed a wave of regret and fear hit me. I asked myself what I was doing and why I did this to myself. It was a cold and rainy day, and the airport is far from the city center and not as pretty so that immediately put me in a bad mood. I kept asking myself if this was the Budapest I remembered. It was not, so why is this what I get now? What happened to the unlimited beauty and amazing architecture? We took an uber into the city center to meet with the Airbnb hosts. We were able to leave our luggage with them and go adventure the city. As we walked, I desperately tried to get my spark and love for the city back. But as the sky stayed grey and it continued to rain, I just couldn’t. My dad asked me multiple times if this was really what I still wanted. I knew I couldn’t change my mind now; we have put thousands of dollars into this. I am getting an opportunity that not many people get. I responded with a weak and forced “Yes, of course I want this.” I am sure they could tell I was lying as I struggled to eat my food and became nauseated at the thought of having to do this alone. During breakfast I had to step outside in fear that I was at my breaking point. I told my parents that it was withdrawals from my meds and that I will be fine once I get back on them.

We finally got to check into the Airbnb and immediately took the chance to lie down. The feeling of being parallel with the earth and having gravity relieve all the stress in my joints was something that I can’t even explain. I began to calm down, and my love and excitement came back. We were in Budapest; I get to be the reason for my parents first time in Budapest. I felt honoured and so happy that even though this decision was stressful for all involved, I got to show my parents a place they have never seen before. They got to see my love for travel.

The first few days were slow. It wasn’t until the third day that we actually got out “on time” to have breakfast. By on time I mean we were up by eleven, which was an improvement and quick turnaround for us. Jet lag still hitting hard for mom and dad and with me ready to go we dragged ourselves to a beautiful café/lounge called Grand Central Café. It was beautiful and looked just like the famous New York Café found only a few blocks away. And the best part was, unlike the New York Café we didn’t have to wait HOURS for a table, and it didn’t cost an arm and a leg.

Day four was a later start than the day before, jet lag has officially hit my dad in full force. We were out of the apartment late and home early. We spent that night having a drink and watching shows. But then I wanted to be alone remembering that I am about to move into my dorm having two roommates in a small room.

We spent the next few days touring the city showing my parents what I fell in love with about Budapest. As time went on my parents kept suggesting that I get moved into my dorm so I can get to know people before school starts. And that’s when the fear came back. I realized that I didn’t know these people. How many people live in this dorm? How are my roommates? What if they don’t like me because of how I identify? All the fear that I spent my time getting rid of came rushing back overwhelming me. So naturally, I pushed back me moving as much as I could. Saying things like “Don’t you want to spend as much time with me as possible?” I was trying to make them feel like it was their idea for me to stay so that they didn’t catch on to the fact that I was scared. But eventually, it was time to grow up and move in.

Beautiful Storm: Preparation for Change

So now that I have my parents’ permission to move abroad life becomes a bit of a mess. A mixture of interview calls with the university, checking my passport, getting a visa, communicating with the school and issues with paying tuition due to exchange rate I felt a lot of panic and a bit of regret. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I had a good life in Canada. I had a job that I finally enjoyed, I was going to go to school with my friends, and I got to work with the dog rescues that I loved. But I knew that with everything beautiful comes a storm. So, I worked hard to get through the storm. Waking up at three AM for a call became the new normal. After quite a while of nonstop stress and worries I finally had a chance to take a breath. The calls were finished, visa applications sent in and now it was time to focus on finishing grade twelve and making sure I actually graduated high school.

Breaking the news to my teachers that I was going to follow my dreams and move abroad was a strange mix of emotions. It was a mix of “In your face, I can do what I want and I’m proving the doubters wrong” and “Damn, these people helped make me who I am and now I’m just leaving.” The love and support that I received from teachers and friends was something truly beautiful, but it also made the move a lot harder. Before talking to them and hearing what they had to say I had a little bit of guilt about moving and leaving but the excitement was overpowering. But by the time everyone had said how proud and excited they were for me, I stated to feel really bad. I was leaving my best friends, my family, and again the teachers who helped raise me. What was I thinking?

This is when the regret really started to show up. So, what did I do? I ignored it. I did everything in my power to avoid the topic of me moving. I had done my rounds of making it my whole personality and now I was tired of it. Everyone knew at this point of what I was doing. But with everyone knowing came WAY too many questions. And to be honest, these questions really annoyed me. Not because I was tired of getting questions. Trust me, I like when I am a main topic. It was the fact that with every single question it became even more real. The fact that I am leaving any 17 years old to live on my own in a new continent was becoming real. And that scared me a lot. I don’t like change. Which is funny to say as I write about how my dream is to live a nomadic life where I move around and see the world. But I do not. I like when I know what’s about to happen. I like when I know all about the place I live and when everything stays the same. But I couldn’t say that now.

One problem that came from this avoidance is that I forgot to check the availability of my medications in Hungary. Spoiler alert, they aren’t available, and I would have to totally switch over medications. Now when I came to realize this, I didn’t have enough time to get off my current medication try new ones and set in stone which ones I needed. So, I had my doctor prescribe me three months worth of each medication and write up a letter outlining my diagnosis and reasoning for each prescription for my doctor abroad and the customs agents.

Honestly, during these few months of preparations and chaos my brain went full auto pilot mode. I panicked and mentally I hid. But somehow, I was still successful. So, it was finally time. I got my visa in the mail, I have the currency, and I have a place to live. There was nothing else to do other than my final “See you later” to everyone. So, my parents invited a bunch of family and friends to come over for a little party. There was food, drinks, music, dancing, and most importantly there was love. A LOT OF IT. And it was amazing. I saw family I had not seen in a while. I got advice from neighbours on how to survive college/university and I got to watch my brother tear up as he gave a little heartfelt speech about me. After this goodbye party it was time for the more personal goodbyes. Meeting up one on one with my friends to say goodbye, swinging by my favourite teachers classes to say, “See you later” and of course interrupting one more SRC meeting leaving many confused as to why I was there.

And now it was time to go.

The Beginning of the Journey

First time in Europe, 2023

I guess I should start this off by introducing myself. Though I am sure the only ones reading this are family members.

My name is Tanner Solomon, I am 18 years old and from Saskatchewan Canada. I spent much of my childhood performing and competing in Ukrainian Dance competitions, this sport had my full heart. Though it had its challenging times, it taught me so much. It taught me about commitment, passion, teamwork, hard work, and loyalty. But dance wasn’t something I wanted to pursue forever. During COVID I quit dance and decided to focus on my school and work. At first this choice was hard. I was losing structure to my day, a community that I loved, and something that filled me with a flame like no other. After quitting dance, I worked during every second of free time. To many this is not the idea of an enjoyable time as a teenager, to me it was the dream. Sure, I wasn’t working an excellent job or doing something I loved. But I was learning other skills that you don’t learn from school, and I was earning money. At first, I was not sure what I was saving for, but I knew that there was method to my madness.

Ever since I can remember my dream has been to move, live, study and love abroad. I love Canada don’t get me wrong. I’m proud to be a Canadian and I’m proud to say that I have a home back in Canada. But I have always known that my forever home was not in Canada. When I was asked to picture my future in school, it never took place in Canada. I was living life abroad. Studying in Europe, working internationally and growing a family nomadically.

So, when I visited Europe with High school for a little educational trip, it was more than a learning experience for me. It was a scouting adventure. I was taking notes not only about the history of these beautiful countries, but also about where I could see myself in the near future. We spent two weeks adventuring six countries in Central Europe. Going from Germany to Czech Republic then Hungary to Poland and Austria with a few little stops in Slovakia in between. I immediately fell in love with all of these places, the culture, history, and personalities of each place we stopped. But there was just something about Hungary that caught my attention. Maybe it was the one boy at that one dinner, maybe it was the challenge that was the language, or maybe just the views. I was not sure what it was, but something just pulled me in.

Now at this point the dream of living in Europe was just that, a dream nothing more. Being a gay kid with ADHD, Anxiety and Depression I never thought that my dream would come true. So, I applied to my local university and prepared to accept that fact that not all dreams come true. Then one day an ad popped up for Budapest Business University. As a joke I applied. It was nothing more than a shot in the dark that had no intent to land. But then I got an email asking me to book an interview, then an entrance exam, then an acceptance letter to BBU and Budapest International College. Now this is where I got confused. “Where did this BIC place come from”? Turns out I am not great at math (shocking surprise), so I have to do a foundation year. Not knowing what this was and in the heat of the moment, I accepted their offer. Then came the realization of “Wait, do mom and dad know about this?” Hint, they did not. So, I hit them with the surprise of “Hey can I move across the world at seventeen years old?” Of course, the first reaction was no. Which, fair enough, but little did they know tuition fees were due. After a while of tormenting my parents with this they finally agreed to letting me move.